The Sacred Institute of Marriage
by Me Gots No Name
Summary: Cid: This story's last chapter is dedicated to my brothers & sisters on the good ship Columbia. You guys are &*%$in' cool!
1. How all of this crap got started

The Sacred Institute of Marriage By Me Gots No Name  
  
Disclaimer: Aw, Hell! You know!  
  
The game is over. The story is finished. Stick a fork in it, it's done like tonight's dinner. Now it's time to do the epilogue thing! Wai! Cait Sith is back to his post in the Gold Saucer doing what he does best. Or worst, you decide.  
  
Cait Sith: "You will create a great beginning to a story, but find it hard to stick with. Don't give up! Your lucky number is 37."  
  
Oh yes. Thank you.  
  
*Moggy begins to ring.*  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, coming. Coming.  
  
*Cait Sith unzips Moggy's back, pulls out a phone booth, steps in, & answers the phone.*  
  
Cait Sith: Hello?  
  
???: Salutations, Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith: I don't wanna subscribe to yer magazine.  
  
???: No, it's me, Vincent.  
  
Cait Sith: Oh! Sorry, Vinny. ' I thought "Salutations" was the name of the magazine.  
  
Vincent: Yes, right. '. Anyway, Cid came to visit me a couple of days ago with a rather disturbing problem & we could use some help.  
  
Cait Sith: Aw, I'm so flattered that you would call me for something like this.  
  
Vincent: Actually, none of the lawyers we called were willing to take the case.  
  
Cait Sith: Ah.  
  
*Awkward Silence.*  
  
Vincent: So, uh, see you at my place at 8?  
  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah. Sure. Okay.  
  
Vincent: Bye.  
  
Cait Sith: Bye.  
  
*Cait Sith puts phone booth back in Moggy, hops back on, & whistles for a cab, which drives up instantly.*  
  
Cabbie: Yeah, where to?  
  
Cait Sith: Nibelheim, & step on it.  
  
*In 2 7/8 seconds, they're in front of the mansion like they were there the whole time.*  
  
Cabbie: Damn wormhole's on the blink again. At any normal rate, it'd only take 1 1/8 seconds to get here.  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, here's your fare.  
  
*Cabbie takes the gil, bites on it, & disappears via wormhole.*  
  
Cid: CAIT SITH! WHAT THE %&$@ TOOK YOU SO %&$@ING LONG, YOU %&$@ING MOTHER %&$@ER?!? WE GOT A REAL %&$@ING PROBLEM ON OUR %&$@ING HANDS HERE, GOD%&$@IT!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith: Good to see you too, Cid.  
  
Vincent: Hello Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith: Hi Vinny! ^_^ So you guys have a problem?  
  
Vincent: Well, Cid & I recently discovered that some poor, deluded souls think we are sick, perverted individuals.  
  
Cid: & EVERYONE'S POSTING PICS OF ME & VINNY IN THE SACK ON THE INTERNET!!!  
  
Cait Sith: Is that all?  
  
Vincent: More or less.  
  
Cait Sith: There's an easy solution to this problem.  
  
Cid: WHAT IS IT, GOD%&$@IT?!?  
  
Cait Sith: One of you gets married to some broad.  
  
*They stare wide~eyed at Cait Sith for the simplicity yet genius of his plan.*  
  
Vincent: But that doesn't seem like a good reason to get married. Just to quell rumors.  
  
Cid: Yeah, rumors that we're gay! It's just something that has to be done, otherwise I'll never get to watch Dukes of Hazzard in peace.  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, so which one of you wants to get married?  
  
*Cid & Vincent point at each other.*  
  
Cid: You should, Vincent. You're older.  
  
Vincent: Not physically, Cid. You ought to.  
  
Cid: But you could land a babe easy!  
  
Vincent: I could never marry a woman other that Lucrecia. If I did anything else.  
  
Cait Sith: Oh no, here it comes.  
  
Vincent: That would. That would be a sin!  
  
*Runs downstairs to his coffin.*  
  
Cait Sith: Vincent! Come back!  
  
Vincent (in his coffin): I have sinned. I have sinned. I have sinned. I have sinned. I have sinned.  
  
Cait Sith: Come out, Vincent. It's all right!  
  
Cid: For crying out %&$@ Vincent! You DIDN'T sin!  
  
Vincent (wailing): I HAVE SINNED!!!!! *Sob* I have sinned. *Whimper*  
  
Cait Sith: Cid, you're the only one emotionally healthy enough to get married.  
  
*Vincent opens his coffin & sits up.*  
  
Vincent: WHAAAAA!!! Why did she leave me for Hojo, Cait Sith? WHY?!?  
  
Cait Sith: It's okay, Vinny. It's all in the past.  
  
*Vincent straightens up.*  
  
Vincent: ....'k....  
  
Cid: Yeah, but who exactly'd wanna marry me?  
  
Cait Sith & Vincent: Shera.  
  
Cid: %&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Vincent: He certainly sounds eager to be married.  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, that's settled. Now let's get to Rocket Town & get to work.  
  
So we have the main story line. Like it? Love it? Want some more of it? Well, whether ya do or not, yer gonna get it, so get ya some or get yer butt elsewhere. 


	2. Well, what else are ya gonna do at the g...

*Cait Sith walks in front to a bus stop, Vincent behind dragging a bound~&~gagged~&~swearing Cid. A bus that says "Rocket Town" on the banner stops & they get on, acting like it's perfectly normal for cats to ride mogs, guys to have metal arms, & swearing captains to be bound~&~gagged.*  
  
Bus Driver: Sorry, no pets.  
  
Cait Sith: What a rude thing to say!  
  
*Turns to face the cursing bundle on the ground.*  
  
Cait Sith: Cid's not our pet.  
  
*More muffled cursing from Cid.*  
  
Bus Driver: I meant you, Fuzzy.  
  
Cait Sith: Oh no! I'm not a pet either! I'm a stuffed toy who reads fortunes for a living.  
  
*On the road.*  
  
Vincent: You had to read his fortune.  
  
Cait Sith: Well, how was *I* supposed to know his lover slept with Reeve?  
  
*Muffled question from Cid.*  
  
Vincent: Okay, you can go to the bathroom, but you're staying on the leash.  
  
*Muffled curse word.*  
  
Cait Sith: We know Cid. We know.  
  
*Back in Rocket Town.*  
  
Shera: It's so quiet here without the Captain's usual swearing & orders for me to bring him his tea & cigarettes.  
  
*Phone rings, Shera answers.*  
  
Shera: Highwind residence, Shera speaking.  
  
Vincent: Hello Shera. This is Vincent.  
  
Shera: Oh hello Mr. Valentine. Is the Captain still with you?  
  
Vincent: Yes. Cait Sith & I are personally escorting him home.  
  
Shera; May I speak to him?  
  
*In the gas station bathroom.*  
  
Cid: Damn air dryer never works.  
  
*Back at the gas station pay phone.*  
  
Vincent: I'm sorry Shera, but her's not available right now.  
  
Shera: Well how are you & Cait Sith doing?  
  
Vincent: I'm doing fine. Wish I could say the same for Cait Sith.  
  
*At a vending machine.*  
  
Cait Sith: YOU STUPID RIP~OFF MACHINE!!!!! GIMMY MY NUTBUNNIES®! GIMMY!!!!!  
  
*Smashes machine with megaphone until bags of Nutbunnies® flood out.*  
  
Cait Sith: WOOHOO! Moggy, fill the cabinet.  
  
*Payphone*  
  
Vincent: Well, I take that back. *Puts hand over phone.* Cait Sith, you shouldn't take so many Nutbunnies® without paying for them. It's a sin.  
  
Cait Sith: What do you care as long as it's not you sinning?  
  
Vincent: All right. *Back on phone.* You were saying?  
  
Shera: Please do me a favor & take good care of the Captain on his way home, okay?  
  
Vincent: Of course, Shera. We'll take care of Cid.  
  
Cait Sith: Hahahahahahahahaha! "Care"! That's a funny one, Vinny. Haha! "Care".  
  
Vincent: Um.Don't listen to him.  
  
Shera: Aw, I never listen to him.  
  
Vincent: Really?  
  
Shera: Yeah, not since that time he predicted the Captain would ask me to marry him one day. *Giggle* Isn't that something?  
  
Vincent: *Chuckles* Ridiculous. Well, we should go now for time's sake. We'll call you later.  
  
Shera: Okay. Bye.  
  
Vincent: Good bye.  
  
So whaddaya loyal fans say? Do ya like what ya read? I don't pay much attention to the reviews really. (That's why I probably don't have too many for my other stories.) But this time I'm milking it for all it's worth. If ya wanna review, be my guest. 


	3. Proof that cigarettes aren't just curren...

*Back on the road.*  
  
Cait Sith: *Munch. Smack! Gulp. Mmm.* Hey, Cid! Wanna Nutbunny®?  
  
*Muffled negative response.*  
  
Vincent: Cait Sith, if Cid is indeed going to propose to Shera, maybe he should buy an engagement ring for her.  
  
Cid: !!!  
  
Cait Sith: But we don't have that much money with us. We need collateral.  
  
*Notice familiar~looking wreakage. Cait Sith, Moggy, & Vincent get huge smiles on their faces.*  
  
Man at Scrap Yard: So whaddaya want?  
  
Cait Sith: How much will you give us for this antique plane?  
  
*Loud muffled cursing while Vincent restrains Cid.*  
  
Man at Scrap Yard: I'll give yea $1500.  
  
Cait Sith (with dollar signs in his eyes): Sold!  
  
Cid: %&$@!  
  
*At a jewelry shop.*  
  
Cait Sith: Oooooooooh... How do we choose one?  
  
Vincent: Let me see.  
  
*Begins to examine rings under the counter.*  
  
Vincent: All of these are cz.  
  
Cid: So?  
  
Cait Sith: An engagement ring needs to be diamond!  
  
Cid: I DON'T %&$@ING CARE ABOUT THAT!  
  
Vincent: Well, you should. I wouldn't give anything less to any woman I wanted to marry.  
  
Cid: I DON'T WANNA MARRY SHERA, GOD~%&$@IT!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith: C'mon guys.Let's go somewhere else.  
  
*Later.*  
  
Vincent: This certainly is an excellent choice of a diamond ring, Cait Sith.  
  
Cait Sith (who is eating Nutbunnies® with Moggy): Yeah, but it cost us a lot of money. *Smack! Crunch!* Good thing the store was willing to take cigarettes.  
  
*Cid is being dragged behind thrashing & cursing as best he can in his ties.*  
  
Will Cid ever be reunited with his ciggies? Will Cait Sith ever run out of Nutbunnies®? What's next on their list of things to get for the wedding? Find out in our next installment. 


	4. A treat for all the girls & thosethatswi...

Vincent: Now let's see.next on the list should be a tuxedo for you.  
  
Cait Sith: That'd mean more money that we don't have. What're we gonna do?  
  
*At the local strip joint.*  
  
Cait Sith: So you'll give us the tux for free if one of us strips?  
  
Boss: If ya satisfy da customers, dat is.  
  
Cait Sith: Good deal! You heard the man, Cid! Up on the stage!  
  
Vincent: Cait Sith, maybe we should give Cid a break. I can strip.  
  
*I can see it now. All the Vincent fangirls & those~that~swing~that~way~fanboys are wearing faces of hope & glee.*  
  
Cait Sith: But he has to strip off the tux, Vinny! That means it has to be his size!  
  
Vincent: Oh. Sorry, Cid. You're on your own.  
  
*All the Vincent fangirls & those~that~swing~that~way~fanboys are now crying waterfall tears.*  
  
Cid: God%&$@ cat gonna %&$@ing get me in trouble one of these %&$@ing days, the %&$@ mother %&$@er .  
  
*Cid reluctantly gets up on the stage & begins doing a strip dance shockingly similar to Ben Affleck's on Forces of Nature. Have any of you seen that movie? It was pretty funny at the time.*  
  
Vincent: Wonder how Cid learned how to do that.  
  
Cait Sith: Wonder why the audience is enjoying it. I mean, it's Cid.  
  
Random Drunk Guy: Take it off! Take it ALL off!  
  
Cid: %&$@ NO!  
  
*People are throwing money on the stage as Cid is left in his boxers, his shirt, & his goggles.*  
  
Boss: Okay, dat's good enuff. Ya kin keep da tux.  
  
Cait Sith: Thanx a bunch, dude!  
  
*On the road once again.*  
  
Cait Sith: So what's next on the list?  
  
Vincent: Well, we could get a gown for Shera.  
  
Cid: Nuh~uh, no way, I am NOT stripping off a wedding dress!!!  
  
Cait Sith: Be reasonable, Cid. No strip joint would have a dress Shera'd wanna wear. Gowns are expensive though. What're we gonna do?  
  
Vincent: Actually, I just got an idea.  
  
What could Vincent's idea be? Does anyone care? Will they care if I let Vincent strip?  
  
*Vincent fangirls&boys look hopefully towards the voice.*  
  
Awww, why do I always fall for that? Okay, I'll get Vincent to do a strip dance just for you.  
  
*Vincent fangirls&boys cheer.*  
  
Okay, Vincent!  
  
Vincent: Why do I have to do this?  
  
You were willing to do it before! Or did you just want Cid to see your sexy body?  
  
*Knowing we could all go on like that for a while, he jumps up onto the coffee table & tosses off his red cloak as some mysterious stereo begins playing "Too Sexy"*  
  
Stereo: I'm too sexy for my shirt.Too sexy for my shirt.So sexy it hurts.  
  
Well, that should keep the fans happy.  
  
*Vincent's claw hand lands next to my notebook as the Vincent fangirls&boys squeal with delight.*  
  
Um. I better hang onto that. 


	5. Tseng must be rolling in his grave right...

*At whatever's left of the Turks' department in whatever's left of Shinra HQ.*  
  
Cait Sith: Now why didn't I think of this before?  
  
*Vincent is on a computer using the Turks' search engine, "Ask Chibi Tseng."*  
  
Vincent: Elena put it up in memory of Tseng.  
  
Cid: I know he was a Turk, but God%&$@. No guy deserves a memorial like that. Poor %&$@er.  
  
*Chibi Tseng prompts Vincent to ask a question.*  
  
Vincent (typing): Where can I find a wedding dress?  
  
*Chibi Tseng prompts Vincent to describe the type of dress they're looking for.*  
  
Cait Sith: Whaddaya want the dress to look like, Cid?  
  
Cid: Well, it's gotta be white.  
  
Vincent (typing): White  
  
Cid: It's gotta have lace.  
  
Vincent (typing): Lace  
  
Cid: It's gotta make her look %&$@ing sexy.  
  
Vincent (typing): %&$@ing Sexy  
  
Cait Sith: You sound eager to get married now.  
  
Cid: Well if I'm %&$@ing gonna get %&$@ing married, I'm gonna %&$@ing make the %&$@ing most of it, God%&$@it.  
  
Cait Sith: I guess so, but can you imagine Shera looking %&$@ing sexy?  
  
*The question hangs until someone coughs.*  
  
Vincent: So.Anything else?  
  
Cid: Uh, no. I think that's it.  
  
*Enter!*  
  
Vincent: Let's see. (reading the screen) Matches for White: 0 Matches for Lace: 0 Matches for %&$@ing Sexy: 365789234  
  
Cid: %&$@ yeah, baby!  
  
*Cid begins looking through the dresses to pick out one he likes.*  
  
Cait Sith: So how're we gonna pay for this?  
  
Vincent: I have a backup.  
  
Cait Sith: Cid, do you know Shera's dress size?  
  
Cid: Yeah, of course.  
  
*They look at Cid with questioning expressions.*  
  
Cid: Why the %&$@ are you guys looking at me like YOU'VE never had to do the laundry?  
  
Vincent: I don't have any laundry to do.  
  
Cait Sith: I have no thumbs.  
  
*Moggy shrugs.*  
  
Cid: %&$@.  
  
*They enter the necessary information & get the price. Grand total:*  
  
Cait Sith: $650?!?  
  
Cid: %&$@! There's no way we can afford that now!  
  
Vincent: Oh yes there is.  
  
What does Vincent have in store for us? You'll soon find out in our next thrilling episode! ^_^ 


	6. One of Shinra's most puzzling mysteries ...

*Vincent clicks "Buy," chooses "Credit" in payment form, & enters a credit card number.*  
  
Cid: Aw %&$@, Vincent. I can't let you pay for the dress yourself!  
  
Vincent: I'm not paying for it at all.  
  
*Hands them credit card.*  
  
Cait Sith: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hojo's first name is Archibald! Hahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
*About 10 1/8 seconds later, a UPS Guy drives up & hands them a box.*  
  
UPS Guy: Sorry it took so long. Sign here please.  
  
*They sign for it & the UPS Guy leaves.*  
  
Vincent: It always takes forever for them to come.  
  
*On the road once more.*  
  
Vincent: I believe, aside from the perishable items, all we need to do now is get a place for you to get married & a person to perform the ceremony.  
  
Cait Sith: I'll do it!  
  
Vincent: Or just the place.  
  
Cid: Whatever's fine. I don't care.  
  
Cait Sith: But it should be someplace special! Someplace important to you & Shera.& I just realized you didn't cuss in that last sentence.You feelin' ok?  
  
*Puts paw on Cid's forehead.*  
  
Cait Sith: Oh wait a minute. I'm a toy.  
  
Cid: Forget about it. It's nothing.  
  
Vincent: I think Cid has cold feet.  
  
Cid: %&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@!  
  
Cait Sith: Hey! We could hold it at Nibelheim Manor!  
  
Vincent: Why Nibelheim Manor? What if someone finds my casket? Or my other stuff?  
  
Cait Sith: What other stuff?  
  
Vincent: Um.nothing!  
  
*He pats a small bulge on his hip.*  
  
Cait Sith: What's that on your hip then?  
  
Vincent: It's none of your business! Go away & leave me be!  
  
*Cait Sith jumps off of Moggy & onto Vincent, trying to get the small bulge under his cloak. The small bulge is revealed by the mechanical feline to be.*  
  
Whatever could Vincent have hidden under his cloak? Does it have anything to do with the story? Is anyone still reading this?  
  
*Crickets chirp.*  
  
Um.hello?  
  
*Taps microphone. Hears blaring feedback.*  
  
Well, for everyone who's still reading this, stay tuned for the next chapter. 


	7. The Hamster Ball Drawing

Well, I got tired of waiting for someone to actually guess what the small bulge under Vincent's cloak is, so I'm going to draw the winner randomly from a hamster ball. Only those who submitted signed reviews or e~mail addys are eligible since they're the only ones I can really send the next chapter to. The only exception is Ghetto Fish, who I know from school.  
  
Ghetto Fish: Evil Mistress Hime! Pleeeeeeeeeeease let me read the next chapter early!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
No.  
  
Ghetto Fish: But Evil Mistress Hime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nothing you say will change my mind, so be a good little fishie & wait like everyone else except the winner.  
  
Ghetto Fish: Not cool!  
  
*Leaves.*  
  
Now let's get on with the contest! ^_^  
  
*Puts all eligible names in hamster ball.*  
  
& now to bring out the next important part of the contest.  
  
*Pulls out little hamster.*  
  
Okay, little Sai Sici! Get in your hamster ball & run!  
  
*Puts Sai in the ball with the names, but he sits there.*  
  
Come on! Run!  
  
*Sai begins grooming himself.*  
  
Run, Sai Sici! Run!  
  
*Sai finally starts running.*  
  
Go little hamsterly dude! Go!  
  
*Sai stops.*  
  
Okay, that's good enough.  
  
*Pulls Sai out & puts him on top of the monitor.*  
  
& the winner is.  
  
*Pulls name.*  
  
Zage the Goth! Congrats, Zage. You're the 1st one to read this chapter & you will be a guest at Cid & Shera's wedding all expenses paid.* I hope you enjoy it! ^_^  
  
*Where we last left off, it was brought to everyone's attention that Vincent had a "small bulge" hidden under his cloak. Cait Sith has jumped on him & revealed the small bulge to be.*  
  
Cait Sith: A plushie of.some chick. *Sweatdrop.*  
  
*Vincent snaches the plushie back.*  
  
Vincent: You are to treat Chibi Lucrecia~sama with the proper respect that is due to her!  
  
*Cait Sith, who is still clawed to Vincent, & Moggy look at him for a moment, then fall to the ground laughing, tears in the corners of their eyes.*  
  
Vincent: It's okay, Chibi Lucrecia~sama. I'll keep you safe.  
  
Cid: Oh for crying out %&$@.  
  
*At the Nibelheim Florist.*  
  
Florist: So, what can I do for you, sir?  
  
Cid: Um.I want some flowers.  
  
Florist: Okay. What type of flowers would you like?  
  
Cid: Uh.Nice ones.  
  
Florist: Well, we have roses, lilacs, tulips, begonias, magnolias.  
  
Cid (Beginning to lose his patience): Get me some roses.  
  
Florist: What kind? We have red, pink, purple, blue, pure white, pale white, off white, cream yellow, mellow yellow, the Yellow Rose of Texas, long stem, short stem, no stem, tea roses, hybrid roses, bishonen roses, rose whips.  
  
Cid: I DON'T FREAKIN' CARE ABOUT ALL THAT! I JUST WANT SOME FLOWERS FOR MY WEDDING, DARNIT!!!!!  
  
*Wow. Cid got so upset he forgot to swear!*  
  
Florist (Who is very nervous now): Rrr.rrr.right away, sir!  
  
Cid: Cait Sith & Vincent are better at this than I am. Why do they get to invite everyone?  
  
Why do they get to invite everyone? Are they doing anything besides eating Nutbunnies® & playing with plushies? Is anyone still reading this after all this time? I don't really care 'coz I'm gonna get a Mountain Dew. Later!  
  
*Expenses include travel, meal, accommodations, wardrobe, escort, liquor, illegal drugs, cheesy souvenirs, & Nutbunnies®. This contest was sponsored by Nutbunnies® & Highwind Ciggys. 


	8. Our tribute to one of Saturday Night Liv...

*At Nibelheim Manor.*  
  
Cait Sith: Vincent, shouldn't we get some nice paper invitations? A phone call makes it seem informal.  
  
Vincent: I'd agree with you, but I don't want you to get Nutbunny® crumbs on them.  
  
*Cait Sith & Moggy are sitting on Vincent's table surrounded by piles of packs of Nutbunnies®. The trash can next to them is overflowing with wrappers.*  
  
Cait Sith: Aw c'mon Vinny! You like Nutbunnies® too, don't you? Chibi Lucrecia~sama does, see?  
  
*Points a paw to the Chibi Lucrecia~sama plushie that's holding a pack of Nutbunnies®.*  
  
Vincent: Well, I suppose I could try one.  
  
*1 5/17 hours later, when Cid comes back to drop off his roses.*  
  
Cid: I'm back, guys. You can start putting the flowers up. Guys?  
  
Cait Sith: Cid! We need more Nutbunnies®!  
  
Vincent: Cid, you should probably go get the cake.  
  
Cid: Why are there Nutbunny® wrappers everywhere?  
  
*Vincent, Cait Sith, Moggy, & Chibi Lucrecia~sama exchange glances.*  
  
Everyone except Cid: Nothing.  
  
Cid: Whatever. I'm getting the cake.  
  
Everyone except Cid: Bye bye.  
  
*At the Bakery.*  
  
Cid: I want a wedding cake. Nothing special, just a wedding cake.  
  
Baker: It will be done this afternoon.  
  
Cid: Great. Perfect. Thank you.  
  
*At Nibelheim Manor.*  
  
Vincent: Sh! Sh! It's ringing! It's ringing!  
  
*Everyone else is sniggering.*  
  
Vincent: Shh.  
  
*At Cloud's place in Costa del Sol where the phone is ringing.*  
  
Cloud (Answering): Hello?  
  
Vincent (Who's buzzed on Nutbunnies®): Cloud's World!  
  
Cloud (Who also likes Saturday Night Live): Cloud's World!  
  
Vincent: Party Time!  
  
Cloud: Excellent!  
  
Vincent: Party on, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Party on, Vincent! So what's up?  
  
Vincent: Cid & Shera are getting married in Nibelheim.  
  
Cloud: No way!  
  
Vincent: Way!  
  
Cloud: No h~way!  
  
Vincent: H~way!  
  
Cloud: Excellent! I'll get the crew.  
  
Vincent: Excellent! Bye.  
  
Cloud: Cloud's World!  
  
Vincent: Cloud's World!  
  
Cloud: Party Time!  
  
Vincent: Excellent!  
  
*They hang up.*  
  
Cait Sith: You need to eat Nutbunnies® more often.  
  
*Moggy nods.*  
  
Vincent: I did this long before I started Nutbunnies®. Why else do you think my hair is so long?  
  
*Cait Sith & Moggy have gone bug eyed.*  
  
Vincent: It's not that shocking, is it?  
  
Cait Sith: That's not it. Chibi Lucrecia~sama nodded.  
  
*They all look warily at Chibi Lucrecia~sama.*  
  
Cait Sith: Um. We should call Red XIII.  
  
Vincent: Yeah, that's a good idea.  
  
I'm starting to make my chapters longer. Or maybe that's just the spaces. Stay tuned for more insane phone calls, Cid's lucky break, & some property damage in our next installment. 


	9. It'll be a miracle if the cake isn't ful...

*At the Bakery.*  
  
Baker: Okay, here's your cake.  
  
Cid: Great! What do I owe ya?  
  
Baker: Didn't you see the sign?  
  
*Cid looks at a window that says "Free Wedding Cakes For Pilots"*  
  
Cid: Thanks!  
  
*Takes the cake & leaves.*  
  
Cid (Thinking): I wonder why pilots get free wedding cakes.  
  
*At the Bakery.*  
  
Baker: It feels good to help others.  
  
Trainee (From the kitchen): Aura~sama! Fire in da hole! Fire in da hole!  
  
*Fire busts out of the kitchen.*  
  
Trainee: Oh the humanity!  
  
*At Nibelheim Manor.*  
  
Vincent: Does anyone remember the area code for Cosmo Canyon?  
  
Cait Sith: Here, I'll get ya!  
  
*Cait Sith dials the number while Vincent holds onto the phone.*  
  
Vincent: Thank you.  
  
Cait Sith: No problem.  
  
*At Cosmo Canyon.*  
  
Red XIII: Hello?  
  
Vincent (Who's almost in disbelief he has to do this): WAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPP?!?!?!?!?  
  
Red XIII: WAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPP?!?!?!?!?  
  
Vincent (Covering the receiver): Hey Cait Sith! Get on the line!  
  
*Cait Sith grabs a phone.*  
  
Cait Sith: WAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPP?!?!?!?!?  
  
Everyone: WAAAZZZZZUUUUUPPP?!?!?!?!?  
  
Vincent: So what's going on?  
  
Red XIII: Nuthin'. Just chillin', illin'.  
  
Vincent: Cid & Shera are getting married.  
  
Red XIII: Woah.That's deep.  
  
Vincent: It's at Nibelheim Manor.  
  
Red XIII: I'll be there.  
  
Vincent: Okay. Good~bye.  
  
Red XIII: Later.  
  
*They hang up.*  
  
Cait Sith: What are you smoking?  
  
Vincent: Nothing. This is another's doing.  
  
*If Vincent could see me, he'd death glare me.*  
  
Cait Sith: So who's left?  
  
Who is left to call? Is everyone getting ready for the wedding? Will Cait Sith & Vincent ever put up those roses Cid got for the wedding? Keep it here; there's more to come! 


	10. Cait Sith tries to score via phone, but ...

*Back at Costa del Sol.*  
  
Cloud: Hey Tifa! Cid & Shera are getting married!  
  
Tifa: For real?  
  
*Tifa is wearing a bath robe, has a towel wrapped around her head, & is wearing one of those "cleansing" face masks. She's busy painting her toenails.*  
  
Cloud: For real. It's being held at Nibelheim Manor.  
  
Tifa: This means I have to get a new dress.  
  
Cloud: What's wrong with this one?  
  
*Holds up Tifa's dress from the Don Corneo thing.*  
  
Tifa: It's not my color.  
  
*She looks in the closet.*  
  
Tifa: Ooh! This is a nice one!  
  
*Pulls out Aeris's dress from the Don Corneo thing.*  
  
Cloud: Um.Will you excuse me for a moment?  
  
*Goes to his room & locks the door.*  
  
Cloud: WHAAAAAAHHHHH! AERIS! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO?!? WHAAAAHH!  
  
*At Nibelheim Manor.*  
  
Vincent: I believe the only one left to call is Yuffie.  
  
*Cait Sith falls off of Moggy with a squeak.*  
  
Vincent: Um, Cait Sith?  
  
Cait Sith: We're just friends!  
  
Vincent: Hm? Well maybe I should call Yuffie if you're going to be jumpy.  
  
*Cait Sith jumps up & grabs the phone.*  
  
Cait Sith: Touch one digit & you'll need your coffin.  
  
Vincent: All right. If you insist.  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, but I'm watching you.  
  
*Cait Sith gives Vincent the stink eye like a jealous boyfriend & proceeds to dial.*  
  
Vincent: Whatever do you thing that was about, Chibi Lucrecia~sama?  
  
Chibi Lucrecia~sama: .....  
  
*At Yuffie's loft, which is the only thing she can afford after the materia shopping spree, the phone rings.*  
  
Yuffie: Hello?  
  
Cait Sith: Ahhhhh........  
  
Yuffie: Hello? Anyone there?  
  
Cait Sith: Ahhhhh.........  
  
Yuffie: Uh, okay. 'Bye.  
  
Cait Sith: Nowaitpleasedon'thangupYuffie!  
  
Yuffie: Who is this?  
  
Cait Sith: It's Sith Cait. No, I mean Sait Cith. Wait, I mean Ith Scait! Please don't hang up! Maybe it's Ait Scith.  
  
Will Cait Sith ever remember his name? What's the deal with Chibi Lucrecia~sama? How can Cait Sith hand onto the phone if he has no thumbs? Read the next chapter for the answer to at least one of these questions! 


	11. Cait Sith remembers his name sort of & f...

*Where we left off on Chapter 10.*  
  
Yuffie: Who is this?  
  
Cait Sith: It's Sith Cait. No, I mean Sait Cith. Wait, I mean Ith Scait! Please don't hang up! Maybe it's Ait Scith.  
  
*& now to continue the story.*  
  
Yuffie: You mean Cait Sith?  
  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah, that guy!  
  
Yuffie: So what do you want?  
  
Cait Sith: Um..... Ah.....*Covers the receiver.* Vinny! What did I call for again?  
  
Vincent: Cid's wedding!  
  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah! Thanks! *On phone.* Cid's getting married! Wanna go?  
  
Yuffie: Okay! Where's it at?  
  
Cait Sith: "Where's it at?"...Um*Covers* Vinny!  
  
Vincent: Nibelheim Manor!  
  
Cait Sith: Right, right! *Phone* Nibelheim Manor.  
  
Yuffie: Okay. I'll see ya there!  
  
*Hangs up. Cait Sith is still on the phone muttering like an idiot & getting a nose bleed.*  
  
Yuffie: That cat is strange, but he gave me materia, so I don't care.  
  
*Cid comes back with the cake.*  
  
Cid: Hey, I'm back! The baker gave me this wedding cake for free.  
  
Vincent: That's good. You forgot to take Hojo's credit card with you.  
  
Cid: What's wrong with Cait Sith?  
  
*Vincent waves his clawed hand in the cat's face.*  
  
Vincent: Not sure.  
  
Cid: Can I take his Nutbunnies®?  
  
Vincent: Go crazy.  
  
*At Cosmo Canyon.*  
  
Red XIII: Go faster, Sunny! We'll never make it in time for the wedding at this rate!  
  
*Red XIII is riding on a chocobo in the direction of Nibelheim. He's wearing a black bowtie around his neck & cufflinks on his front paws.*  
  
Red XIII: This is so slow. My kingdom for a car! & someone with thumbs to drive it!  
  
Will Red XIII get to the wedding in time? Will Cait Sith snap out of it? Will Cloud ever get over Aeris's death? Don't ask me; I haven't written it yet. 


	12. Cid, Vincent, & Cait Sith ain't the brig...

*At Yuffie's Loft.*  
  
Yuffie: Okay, Jorge, I know the government's on your back & everything, but I need someone to watch the loft. Can you take care of the place?  
  
Jorge: Si.  
  
Yuffie: Great! Oh, & no long distance phone calls! Bye!  
  
*Yuffie leaves. Jorge grabs the phone & dials a number.*  
  
Voice on Phone: Oigo.  
  
Jorge: Pedro, es Jorge.  
  
Pedro: Tengo las costas.  
  
Jorge: Vas a las doce menos cuarto.  
  
Pedro: Nos vemos.  
  
Jorge: Hasta luego.  
  
*For those who don't speak Spanish, ask your local cabbie or that hispanic neighbor next door. You know, who's wife is sleeping with his coworker or chocobo or something. My apologies to all the hispanic next door neighbors, 'coz I know your wifes aren't really sluts. Anyway, at Costa del Sol.*  
  
Tifa: Barret, can you help me?  
  
Barret: Wut's da problem, foo' ?  
  
Tifa: Cloud's locked in his room & he won't come out.  
  
Barret: Step aside. I'll handle dis.  
  
*Barret pounds on Cloud's door with his gun arm.*  
  
Cloud (Pathetically): Go away.  
  
Barret: OPEN DIS DOOR, SPIKEY @$$!  
  
Cloud: I don't wanna.  
  
Barret: DEN I'LL BUST DOWN DIS DOOR!  
  
*He shoots the door off its hinges, walks in, & carries Cloud over his shoulder.*  
  
Tifa: I guess that means we can go now.  
  
*At Nibelheim Manor.*  
  
Cid: You guys got everything?  
  
Vincent: Well, let's see...Cake?  
  
Cait Sith: Check!  
  
Vincent: Flowers?  
  
Cait Sith: Check!  
  
Vincent: Tuxedo?  
  
Cait Sith: Check!  
  
Vincent: Ring?  
  
Cait Sith: Check!  
  
Vincent: Gown?  
  
Cait Sith: Mmm. . .Lace is sexy. . .I mean CHECK!  
  
Vincent: I think that's everything.  
  
Cid: Really?  
  
Cait Sith: But it feels like we're forgetting something. . .  
  
*They think for a little while until something finally dawns on them.*  
  
All 3: We forgot Shera!  
  
They remembered everything for a wedding except the bride! In the meantime, Shera's just been twiddling her thumbs making tea & cursing to fill the void Cid has left in his wake. How are they gonna handle the situation? Stay tooned to find out. Same time. Same place. Same Nutbunnies®. 


	13. By the way, what's YOUR favorite scary m...

*Where we last left off in our epic story of epicness.*  
  
Vincent: I think that's everything.  
  
Cid: Really?  
  
Cait Sith: But it feels like we're forgetting something. . .  
  
*They think for a little while until something finally dawns on them.*  
  
All 3: We forgot Shera!  
  
Cait Sith: Okay! Vinny & I'll get Shera! You wait for everyone else!  
  
Cid: Not that I'm complaining, but shouldn't I go?  
  
Vincent: But it'd be more dramatic if you proposed to Shera here.  
  
Cid: Whatever. Finally, a little break.  
  
Vincent: Take care of the house while we're gone.  
  
*Somewhere between Cosmo Canyon & Nibelheim. . .*  
  
Red XIII: Sunny! We can't eat all day!  
  
*The chocobo is chowing down. Red XIII gives up waiting & hitch~hikes.*  
  
Red XIII: Damn these paws! I wish I had opposable thumbs!  
  
*The Trigger Happy TV Chainsaw Murderer comes up next to him.*  
  
Murderer: What's your favorite scary movie?  
  
*For those who are Trigger Happy TV ignorant, their Chainsaw Murderer is just a guy in a white blood~stained jumpsuit & a hockey mask holding a chainsaw & a sign that reads "Anywhere." But I digress. . . Somewhere between Yuffie's loft & Nibelheim. . .*  
  
Yuffie: TAXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Taxi drives up.*  
  
Cabbie: Yeah, where to?  
  
Yuffie: Nibelheim, please!  
  
Cabbie: Right, doll.  
  
*In 7/8 of a second, they're in Nibelheim.*  
  
Yuffie: Thanx, buddy!  
  
*She runs out.*  
  
Cabbie: Hey! You forgot to pay!  
  
Yuffie: No time for that!  
  
*She slides into the manor Kramer style as Cid is playing Solitaire.*  
  
Yuffie: Hiya Cid!  
  
Cid: Hi Yuffie. Help yourself to some Nutbunnies®.  
  
*Cid points to Chibi Lucrecia~sama, who's in a formal dress & holding a Nutbunny®.*  
  
Yuffie: Ooh! Don't mind if I do!  
  
We're finally getting the 1st guests together! But there are still questions to be answered! Is Cid winning his game of Solitaire? What IS Red XIII's favorite scary movie? How did Chibi Lucrecia~sama get into that formal dress? Sit tight for our next thrilling installment! 


	14. We don't &ing care who's throwing the pa...

*Somewhere between Costa del Sol & Nibelheim. . .*  
  
Tifa: Barret, I think we're lost.  
  
Barret: We ain't lost, foo'!  
  
Cloud: Do you think you know where you're going?  
  
Barret: I DON'T THINK!!!!! I KNOW!!!!!  
  
Cloud: I don't think you know either.  
  
Barret: WUT'S THAT SUPPOSED TA MEAN, SPIKEY @$$?!?  
  
Cloud: Whatever. . .  
  
Tifa: *Sigh. . .* Let's just call a cab. . .  
  
Barret: I KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOIN'!  
  
*They ignore him & call a cab. Barret pulls a rubber ducky out of a random pocket.*  
  
Barret: They's is 'pposed ta 'espect mah authoritah, right Mister Moose?  
  
*Barret squeezes the duck, which produces a squeak~type sound. Cloud & Tifa sweatdrop.*  
  
Cloud: I think we should leave him here.  
  
Tifa: I agree.  
  
Cabbie: Where to?  
  
Cloud: Nibelheim.  
  
Cabbie: I wunder why the hell everyone I pick up wants to go to Nibelheim. . .  
  
*The cabbie leaves through the wormhole to Nibelheim, leaving Barret & Mister Moose in the middle of nowhere, which is convieniently located somewhere between Costa del Sol & Nibelheim.*  
  
Barret: 'EY! CUM BACK! YOU'S IS 'PPOSED TA 'ESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!  
  
*In Rocket Town. . .*  
  
Shera: Goodness, the Captain's been gone a long time. I haven't heard any word from him or any of his friends for a long time either, %&$@it. Oh, wonderful. Now I sound like him.  
  
*Cait Sith & Vincent break down the door. Even though they are obviously there, Vincent rings the doorbell.*  
  
Cait Sith: That was pointless.  
  
Vincent: We should still be polite.  
  
Shera: WHAT THE %&$@ DIDJA DO TO MY DOOR, YOU %&$@S?!?  
  
*Cait Sith & Vincent sweatdrop.*  
  
Cait Sith: Who knew Cid had such an influence over Shera?  
  
Vincent: Shera, we have a perfectly valid explanation for this.  
  
Shera: That is. . .?  
  
Cait Sith: We. . .don't know.  
  
Vincent: But we'll think of it!  
  
Shera: Sure. Right. I believe you.  
  
Vincent: You see Shera. . . Um. . . I'm holding a party at Nibelheim Manor!  
  
*Cait Sith falls off of Moggy laughing at the very idea of Vincent holding a party. Moggy picks Cait Sith up & puts him back on his back.*  
  
Cait Sith: Bwahahaha! But I thought I was throwing the party.  
  
Vincent: It's at my house, so I'm throwing the party.  
  
Cait Sith: No. . . I'm throwing the party,  
  
Vincent: I'm throwing the party, Mister Furball Hacker.  
  
Cait Sith: No, I'm throwing the party, Mister SadBob AngstyPants!  
  
Vincent: *Gasp!* You did NOT just make fun of my favorite show, did you?  
  
Cait Sith: *Sing~songy* SadBob AngstyPants! SadBob AngstyPants! SadBob AngstyPants! *Normal Speech* What're YOU gonna do about it?  
  
*Vincent grabs Cait Sith around the neck with his claw hand & tries to choke the toy. But that's just what Cait Sith is, a toy, so he doesn't need air. Shera smacked the both of them in the head.*  
  
Shera: In case you didn't notice, the both of you got way off subject & I think the fans reading this could care less about who's actually throwing the party or about Vincent's obsession with SpongeBob SquarePants.  
  
Vincent: I have an obsession with SpongeBob SquarePants?  
  
Shera: Isn't that what you were talking about, Cait Sith?  
  
Cait Sith: Oh no! I was talking about this!  
  
*Cait Sith unzips Moggy & gets a rolled~up poster. He hands it to Shera, who unrolls it & reads "The Big Big Fun Telly Treasure Trail Show, with your host, SireBob BritishPants. *Sponsored by Nutbunnies®"*  
  
Shera: What kind of name is SireBob BritishPants?  
  
*Cait Sith, Moggy, & Vincent shrug.*  
  
Shera: So I assume the Captain is at this party?  
  
Cait Sith: Oh yeah! THAT'S what we're supposed ta be doin'?  
  
Vincent: No time to waste! Let's go!  
  
*Vincent grabs Shera & the crew goes out heading for Nibelheim once more.*  
  
Cait Sith: Well this was easy. . .  
  
So who really is throwing the party? Who exactly is SireBob BritishPants? & why does he host "The Big Big Fun Telly Treasure Trail Show"? The good news is the chapters are longer now. The bad news is that means there'll be less story. Keep it here for our next chapter. 


	15. This chapter was sponsered in part by Nu...

*Where we last left Red XIII. . .*  
  
Red XIII: You know, I was kind of nervous when you first came up, but I'm glad we decided to share this cab. So you wanna go to the wedding?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer from last time: Will there be Nutbunnies®?  
  
Red XIII: Oh, I'm sure of it.  
  
Cabbie: So is THAT why everyone wants to go to Nibelheim. Can I go?  
  
Red XIII: Sure, why not? But I think you gotta lose the mask.  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: I don't think that's a good idea. . .  
  
Cabbie: Why not?  
  
Red XIII: What do you have under there anyway?  
  
Cabbie: Yeah! Show us!  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Aw, I don't think you wanna. . .  
  
Red XIII: Naw, try us!  
  
Cabbie: Yeah! I'm very open minded.  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Well, okay. . .  
  
*Scene backs up to see cab stopped outside of Nibelheim Manor. . .*  
  
Red XIII & Cabbie: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Red XIII: Disgusting!  
  
Cabbie: Coooooooool!  
  
*Cloud & Tifa, who are making out in front of Nibelheim Manor, are disrupted by the terror~filled scream of terror.*  
  
Cloud: What was that?  
  
Tifa: It sounded like a terror~filled scream of terror.  
  
*They both shrug & pick up where they left off.*  
  
Red XIII: Okay. . . You can leave the mask on.  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Oh, look!  
  
Cabbie: Nutbunnies®!  
  
*They go into Nibelheim Manor, much to Cid's surprise.*  
  
Cid: Who in the world are you guys? What are you doin' at my wedding?  
  
Red XIII: Hello Cid. Don't worry, they're cool.  
  
Cid: Why does that one have a chainsaw?  
  
*Red XIII goes wide eyed.*  
  
Cid: What's the matter?  
  
Red XIII: You're not cussing.  
  
Cid: Huh. No, I guess I'm not. . .  
  
Red XIII: You're sick, Cid. Dreadfully sick.  
  
Cid: How come everyone says that when I try to clean up my language?  
  
*Red XIII stares for a moment, shakes his head, then runs over to the table of Nutbunnies® & lands on it in a flying leap.*  
  
Cid: I don't see what the big deal is. I want to be a little less foul~mouthed since today's supposed to be special. . .  
  
*Cloud & Tifa walk in. Tifa looks very happy & Cloud looks a little disappointed.*  
  
Tifa: Hi Cid! Congrats on today!  
  
*Tifa elbows Cloud so he'll say something.*  
  
Cloud: Yes. It's wonderful that you get to spend the rest of your life. . .with the woman you love. . .& get to show them your love. . .every night. . . & Sunday mornings. . .& sometimes right after lunch. . . before they get stabbed to death by some maniac. . .I'm sorry, I must go to the restroom.  
  
*Cloud runs to the restroom where he proceeds to bawl like a baby.*  
  
Tifa: Awww, that Cloud. He's so sweet sometimes. . .  
  
Cid: Yes. He's imparted such wisdom to us all.  
  
Tifa: Cid, are you feeling all right?  
  
Cid: *Sigh*. . .  
  
*Back at Yuffie's Loft. . .*  
  
Yuffie's Stereo (Playing a Spanish CD): Bailamos porque no tenemos pantalones*  
  
Jorge: 'Ey! This is a great party, eh Pedro?  
  
Pedro: The best one we've ever thrown! We gotta get that "Yuffie" girl to leave home more often!  
  
*For those who don't speak Spanish, you don't want to know what the song lyrics mean, though you guys can probably figure it out for yourselves. For all the Spanish speakers out there: I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It was all for the sake of keeping those characters. . .well, in character. Anyways, where we left off Barret & Mister Moose. . .*  
  
Barret: Damn foo's makin' me walk all the way to Nibelheim. . .  
  
*Looks up to see he is standing right next to the manor. . .*  
  
Barret: I knew I could do it! Jes' like ya told me, Mistah Moose!  
  
*Where we last left Vincent, Cait Sith, & Shera. . .*  
  
Cait Sith: We go right.  
  
Vincent: No, left.  
  
Cait Sith: Right.  
  
Vincent: Left.  
  
Cait Sith: Right!  
  
Vincent: Left!  
  
Cait Sith: Right!!!  
  
Vincent: Left!!!  
  
Cait Sith: Right!!!!!  
  
Vincent: Left!!!!!  
  
Shera: How about if we try going straight?  
  
*Maybe they should listen to Vincent since they're going to his house. . .*  
  
Vincent: What she said.  
  
Cait Sith: Fine!  
  
Shera: *Sigh. . .*  
  
Those guys are gonna be there a while. . . I got a bad case of writer's block, so it's just making less & less sense from here on in. I need to restock my Nutbunnies® & Mountain Dew. So love & peace to all of you until we meet again. Wow, that was different. Maybe I should say that at the end of chapters more often. . .  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
. . . . . . . . .  
  
Nah! 


	16. What exactly are Nutbunnies anyway? & Au...

*At Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Cloud (Who finally came back from the bathroom): So Cid, where's Shera? You are getting married to her, right?  
  
Cid: Yes, well...When we were getting the stuff for the wedding, we kind of forgot to pick her up...  
  
*Everyone busts out laughing.*  
  
Tifa: Cid, how on earth can anyone make that kind of mistake?  
  
*Back at Aura~sama's house...*  
  
Oh Gawd! I forgot to get Zage the Goth! She's gonna be a guest at the wedding!  
  
*Runs off to get contest winner back in chapter seven or so.*  
  
I hope she still remembers that contest!  
  
*Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Red XIII: Well, I guess it can be done.  
  
*Cabbie & Chainsaw Murderer come up looking totally spooked.*  
  
Cid: What's your problem?  
  
Cabbie: The doll on that table spoke to us.  
  
Yuffie: These guys are creepy. Yet for some reason they remind me of Jorge...  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: She said "Leave my Nutbunnies® alone or I promise you a world of pain & torment for the rest of your lives..."   
  
Cabbie: & then she fell off the table.  
  
*Barret busts in through the door for no apparent reason.*  
  
Barret: I'm here! Has tha wedding started?  
  
Cid: Not just yet. Help yourself to some Nutbunnies®.  
  
*Cabbie & Chainsaw Murderer scream in horror.*  
  
Barret: C'mon, Mistah Moose. Let's get some Nutbunnies®.  
  
*Cabbie & Chainsaw Murderer scream again & now Yuffie's gonna bug them with that for however long it takes for me to talk about some of the other characters. Back on the road, Vincent, Cait Sith, & Shera are almost at Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Shera: So what kind of party are you guys throwing?  
  
*They never did prepare for this question, now did they?*  
  
Cait Sith (Quietly): It's your house, Vincent. You tell her.  
  
Vincent (Also Quietly): You were the one who wanted to throw the party. You tell her.  
  
Cait Sith: It was your idea, Goth Boy. You tell her.  
  
Vincent: You're better at deception. You tell her.  
  
Cait Sith: You tell her.  
  
Vincent: No, you tell her.  
  
Cait Sith: No, you tell her.  
  
Vincent: You tell her!  
  
Cait Sith: You tell her!  
  
Shera: What are you going on about?  
  
Vincent & Cait Sith: Uh...nothing...  
  
*Where~ever Aura~sama ran off to...*  
  
Oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd! I hope Zage isn't upset or anything about me waiting this long!  
  
*At a super~fancy resort...*  
  
Desk Clerk: Where is the contest winner? We're all getting tired of waiting, Aura~sama!  
  
Geez! I hope everyone's not too mad at me about all this. School work lately's been a real bitch. At least there's another chapter of Nutbunny® goodness.  
  
*Aura's mysterious muse pops up, who's identity will be revealed as...*  
  
Chibi Cait Sith! There you are! ^_^  
  
*No wonder Cait Sith is the star of all of my Final Fantasy VII stories, ne?*  
  
He's very quiet & he likes his Nutbunnies®, so don't expect him to talk very much...  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith whispers something into the author's ear.*  
  
That's a good idea! Chibi Cait Sith says I should explain exactly what the heck Nutbunnies® are so everyone doesn't have to ask in the reviews. Besides, sooner or later I'll get tired of replying individually.  
  
*An overhead projection screen is pulled down from above.*  
  
Here's a clip that shows the word 1st being used.  
  
*A tape is played as the show begins & we see part of an episode of Freakazoid.*  
  
Freakazoid(In Various Clips): Aw, Nutbunnies®! Aw, Nutbunnies®! Aw, Nutbunnies®! Aw, Nutbunnies®! Aw, Nutbunnies®! Aw, Nutbunnies®! Nutbunnies®! Nutbunnies®! Nutbunnies®! Nutbunnies®!  
  
As you can see, Freakazoid originally used the word "Nutbunnies®" as his all~purpose curse word. So that scene at the gas station when Cait Sith introduces us to the word really has a double meaning. Does anyone here watch Freakazoid?  
  
*Crickets chirp. Chibi Cait Sith whispers something else.*  
  
Yeah, it was a while back, wasn't it? Well for those who did watch it, they'll know what I mean when I say I'm gonna get something from the four basic food groups to eat. So seeya later!  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith holds up sign listing four basic food groups as Aura~sama leaves.*  
  
List: Four Basic Food Groups  
  
1. Ice Cream  
  
2. Candy  
  
3. Cakes  
  
4. Very Large Cakes 


	17. Cid forgets everything his grammer teach...

*While Aura~sama is on the road to retrieve Zage the Goth...*  
  
Yay! I got a Nutbunny® flavored kilt! ^_^  
  
*She bites into the plaid~colored goodness.*  
  
Taaasty...I officially like the Scottish now.  
  
*The Scottish people in the audience cheer.*  
  
Time to bug Zage now!  
  
*Aura~sama approaches Zage's front door, backs up about a block, then charges into the door. It's ripped off of it's hinges thanks to Aura~sama's bandana, her super~strong cranium cloth.*  
  
Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage! You in here?!?  
  
*Zage is in a corner of angst, angsting away.*  
  
Good! ^_^ Time to go!  
  
*Aura~sama picks up Zage & runs out faster than you can say Nutbunnies®*  
  
You: Nutbunnies®!  
  
*Too late!*  
  
Dude at Resort mentioned in Chapter 16: Can we speed things along? My foot's falling asleep!  
  
*Oh yeah, sorry! At Nibelheim Manor, Cait Sith, Vincent, & Shera have arrived.*  
  
Vincent: We're back, everyone!  
  
Cait Sith: Nutbunnies®!  
  
*Cait Sith leaps off of Moggy, does a perfect can opener, & lands in a huge pile of the candies. Chainsaw Murderer & Cabbie scream at the mention of the blessed food.*  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: I thought it was over when that Yuffie girl got bored with tormenting us with that word.  
  
Yuffie: I wasn't tired. I just took a breather so I could eat some Nutbunnies®!  
  
*Chainsaw Murderer & Cabbie scream again.*  
  
Shera: What kind of party is this, exactly?  
  
*Cid sort of blushes. How dreadfully out~of~character he's getting in this fanfic, ne?*  
  
Cid: *Gulp!*  
  
*All the hard~core Cid Highwind fans in the audience begin tossing rotten tomatoes to their respective computer screens.*  
  
Calm down, guys! Cid's a dynamic character in this story!  
  
All The Hard~Core Cid Highwind Fans In The Audience: WHAT THE &*^# DOES THAT MEAN?!?  
  
It means Cid changes dramatically. In this situation, he is coming to realize he might actually like it if he were married to Shera.  
  
*All the hard~core Cid Highwind fans in the audience suddenly die of massive shock~induced heart attacks.*  
  
Well, it had to be said! I'm running out of ideas for this fic.  
  
Fans of this fanfic(if any): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
What? Do you not want closure?  
  
Said Fans: CLOSURE BAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Sweatdrop*  
  
Well, there's gonna be closure.  
  
Fans: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
(Thinking): Oh man. Gotta please the fans, but what to do? Wait! What do I always do to distract my little sister when I want to run away? (Aloud): Look! Cow!  
  
*Audience turns heads & Aura~sama runs away.*  
  
Audience: Ooooo...Cooooow...  
  
*The scene backs out & we see the video camera that's magically recording this story is turned to face the camera guy, who is none other than our beloved Cait Sith.*  
  
Cait Sith: This is the stupidest load of sh~  
  
Cait Sith! What are you doing?  
  
Cait Sith: Da camera guy ran off somewhere.  
  
Where?!?  
  
*At Yuffie's loft, which by now you thought I was never gonna go back to, the camera guy is dancing on top of a table with a lampshade on his head.*  
  
Everyone else: Arturo! Arturo! Arturo! Arturo! Arturo!  
  
*Back where~ever we were...*  
  
I am SO sending him back to Guadalajara...  
  
Cait Sith: What were we supposed to be doing? Oh, & who's that?   
  
*Cait Sith indicates the bundle of person Aura~sama has under her arm who at one point in time or another could be refered to as Zage.*  
  
This is our contest winner.  
  
Cait Sith: Good! The limo's been impatient!  
  
*Moggy takes Zage, tosses her in the limo, & it speeds off in the direction of the hotel.*  
  
That was surprisingly easy...  
  
Cait Sith: The fanfic, Aura~sama?  
  
Oh yeah! That thing!  
  
*Back at Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Cid: Uh.....*Blushing*  
  
Shera: Nice tux, Captain.  
  
Cid: Uh.....  
  
Vincent: "Thank you," Cid.  
  
Cid: You're welcome.  
  
*Sweatdrops all around the room.*  
  
Vincent: Maybe this was a big mistake...  
  
Cloud(Whispering to Vincent): What's going on? Doesn't Shera know about this?  
  
Vincent(Whispering in reply): Um, well, it's kind of a surprise...  
  
Tifa(Joining in): How cute!  
  
Yuffie(Also joining): Aw, that's sweet! How long do you think he'll be distracted?  
  
Cait Sith(Who popped in Xellos~like for all the Slayers fans): I'd give him half an hour...  
  
Yuffie(Aw, you know...): Where's his materia?  
  
*Cid gets down on one knee suddenly, figuring it's his wedding. Or funeral. Or some kind of religious deal...*  
  
Cid: SheraIwasjustkindofwonderingyouknowifyousortawannagetmarriedorsomethinglikethatyouknow?  
  
Shera: Put spaces between your words...  
  
Cid: Well...uh...you...me...rings...tux...dress...flowers...  
  
Shera: Now you forgot your verbs...  
  
Vincent: So now we mourn the death of sentence structure...  
  
Cid: SHERA! MARRY ME, GODDAMMIT!!!!!  
  
Whew! Glad that's out in the open! I finally got this chapter done, but what will Shera say? Will this turn out in the end? Why hasn't school let up yet?!? Hopefully some answers hopefully soon in our next installment. 


	18. Aura has a dream, Shera answers, & Aeris...

*Aura~sama is asleep in front of her computer. She has cobwebs all over her & flies are swarming around her. We now take you to Aura~sama's dream...*  
  
Mysterious Voice, most likely the Great Will of the Macrocasm: Aura... Aura...  
  
*Aura~sama is sitting in a comfy~cozy chair playing what looks to be Lunar Legends. Huge stacks of Mountain Dew & Pocky are piled next to her. She is absorbed in the game, in spite of the fact she's played the older one for countless hours.*  
  
Five more minutes...  
  
*The Great Will of the Macrocasm, hereafter known as Will~chan, sweatdrops.*  
  
Will~chan: Aura, you should work on your Final Fantasy VII fanfic. You should finish what you begin, but not only that, consider the fans.  
  
Why do you care? You're from Excel Saga.  
  
Will~chan: But I've been brought here because the story isn't going the way it is meant to go!  
  
This was going somewhere?  
  
*The sweatdrop gets bigger.*  
  
Don't drip that on my Pocky.  
  
Will~chan: I thought you'd have Nutbunnies® to eat.  
  
This dream is based on real life.  
  
Will~chan: No it isn't.  
  
Why not?  
  
Will~chan: Well for one thing, you don't own Lunar Legends.  
  
*Lunar Legends disappears out of the GBA.*  
  
Hey!  
  
Will~chan: For another, you don't even own a GBA.  
  
*GBA disappears.*  
  
Stop that!  
  
Will~chan: Get back to work on your story! Do it now before I take away your Pocky & Mountain Dew!  
  
All right! All right! I'll get to work on it! I'll get to work on it! Now leave me alone!  
  
*Aura~sama wakes up.*  
  
Ahh! Die in Hell evil Great Will of the Macrocasm!!!!!  
  
*Aura~sama realizes she's awake now.*  
  
Oh, it was just a dream. What a relief.  
  
*Aura~sama goes back to sleep.*  
  
Will~chan: *Sigh...*  
  
*Where we left off Cid & the rest at Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Cid: SheraIwasjustkindofwonderingyouknowifyousortawannagetmarriedorsomethinglikethatyouknow?  
  
Shera: Put spaces between your words...  
  
Cid: Well...uh...you...me...rings...tux...dress...flowers...  
  
Shera: Now you forgot your verbs...  
  
Vincent: So now we mourn the death of sentence structure...  
  
Cid: SHERA! MARRY ME, GODDAMMIT!!!!!  
  
*Shera gets really big anime~type surprised eyes that whell up with tears of happiness & joy like Aura~sama when she sees a Mountain Dew/Pocky sale.*  
  
Shera: Of course I will, Captain...  
  
*Cid collapses at the impact of everything that's just transpired.*  
  
Cait Sith: Well at least he got that over with. It looked like his heart was gonna pop or sumthin'...  
  
Vincent: It looks like it did...  
  
*Cait Sith jumps off of Moggy & begins smacking Cid in the face.*  
  
Cait Sith: Come on, Ciddy boy! You can't be asleep at your own wedding!  
  
*He continues smacking him until Cid gives him a punch in the face, tossing him clear into the wall.*  
  
Cid: Wha hoppened...?  
  
Vincent: You asked Shera to marry you.  
  
Cid: I did?  
  
Vincent: She said yes.  
  
Cid: She did?  
  
Vincent: Then you sent Cait Sith flying into the wall.  
  
*Cait Sith falls out of his little crater in the wall.*  
  
Cait Sith: Ah, there ya are, Waitress. Seperate checks pleeease.....*Faints.*  
  
*Group sweatdrop.*  
  
Red XIII: So are you guys gonna get married?  
  
Cabbie: Y'know, today?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: We do have things to do, right?  
  
Barret: YEH, FOO'! LIKE PLACES TA GO! PEOPLE TA SEE!  
  
Yuffie: Materia to steal!  
  
Cait Sith(Woozily): Fortunes to read!  
  
Vincent: Sins to atone for!  
  
Tifa: Love to declare!  
  
Cloud: Sephiroth to fight!  
  
*Everyone else stares at Cloud.*  
  
Cloud: Well, this is a fanfic. Sephiroth could come back.  
  
Cait Sith: Shyeah! & monkeys might fly out of my butt...  
  
*Aeris pops in all of a sudden.*  
  
Aeris: But Cloud's right. Since this is a fanfic, things that normally don't happen might occur.  
  
Cloud: AERIS! YOU'RE BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!  
  
*Actually, I really don't like that. What do you think, Will~chan?  
  
Will~chan: I think that whole scene with Aeris's death was tame compared to what I normally work with.  
  
Not exactly what I meant, Will~chan...  
  
Will~chan: Oh, you meant with this? I think she takes away from the story, actually.  
  
You really think so?  
  
Will~chan: Well, maybe we should see what everyone else thinks of it.  
  
Good point. No use bringing in Aeris if we got a lot of Aeris~bashers reading.  
  
Will~chan: No use getting rid of Aeris if we got a lot of Aeris~lovers reading.  
  
So, it's up to you, the loyal & hopefully still here fans. Do we keep Aeris in, or do we kick her out?  
  
Zage: Not that I'm complaining about staying at this nice hotel for God knows how long, but can we get on with the story? I got things to do too.  
  
That's precisely what I'm doing. Now it's time to close up this chapter. Please review, loyal fans, so I'll know whether to keep Aeris or not!  
  
The crickets that were here before: Chirp...chirp...chirp...  
  
Let me reword that. Please review, loyal crickets, so I'll know whether to keep Aeris or not!  
  
Crickets: *Begin reviewing*  
  
This is working better than I thought.  
  
Chibi Cait Sith: *Whispers to Aura~sama*  
  
Oh yeah... I did kinda overdo it with the stars, didn't I?*  
  
Stick around for the next chapter, which will be out, uh... sometime this year. ^_^' 


	19. Grab your dictionaries if you don't know...

*Where we last left off...*  
  
Red XIII: So are you guys gonna get married?  
  
Cabbie: Y'know, today?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: We do have things to do, right?  
  
Barret: YEH, FOO'! LIKE PLACES TA GO! PEOPLE TA SEE!  
  
Yuffie: Materia to steal!  
  
Cait Sith(Woozily): Fortunes to read!  
  
Vincent: Sins to atone for!  
  
Tifa: Love to declare!  
  
Cloud: Sephiroth to fight!  
  
*Everyone else stares at Cloud.*  
  
Cloud: Well, this is a fanfic. Sephiroth could come back.  
  
Cait Sith: Shyeah! & monkeys might fly out of my butt...  
  
*Aeris pops in all of a sudden.*  
  
Aeris: But Cloud's right. Since this is a fanfic, things that normally don't happen might occur.  
  
Cloud: AERIS! YOU'RE BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!  
  
*Then we had a vote on whether Aeris should remain alive or get killed again. Here are the results: 2 votes to keep Aeris, 3 votes to kill Aeris, & 2 people that just didn't care. So by popular demand, Aeris will be killed again! Get in there to kill Aeris, Sephiroth!*  
  
Sephiroth: Someone need to die here?  
  
Aeris: I guess this means I'll be going now.  
  
Cloud: Wait! Can I say goodbye to Aeris one last time?  
  
Sephiroth: Go ahead. The longer it takes, the more I get paid...  
  
Cloud: Sweet...  
  
*Cloud leads Aeris to a room inside the manor so the can...um...how do I say this properly? Oh yeah! With astericks! So it should look like this:  
  
Cloud leads Aeris to a room inside the manor.  
  
***** **** *** *** *******.  
  
** **** **** *** ** *** *****.  
  
**** ***** ******* ************.  
  
***** ********* ***** **** ******.  
  
**** ** ** ***** ***** ** *** ***** ***-****** ***** *****.  
  
Cloud leaves the room with his shirt on backwards & smoking one of Cid's ciggies that he stole.*  
  
Cloud: Okay. Your turn, Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: No, I'm just gonna kill her.  
  
Cloud: Damn! Okay, whatever... I'll mourn some other time.  
  
*Sephiroth enters the room & kills Aeris in...um...the state she's in.*  
  
Cait Sith: So it's time for da weddin'! I'll get my preachin' suit!  
  
*Cait Sith, who had climbed back on Moggy in the time between the begining of the chapter to now, jumps off again to get his outfit. Moggy puts on an alter server's robe.*  
  
Tifa: The bride & groom need to get dressed too!  
  
*Yuffie walks in with a mysterious bag of gil.*  
  
Vincent: Where did you get that bag of gil?  
  
Yuffie: I saw some frumpy old clothes sitting in one of the rooms, so I sold them.  
  
Shera: Hey, I can't find my wedding gown...  
  
Cid: WHAT THE &*%$ HAPPENED TO MY TUX?!?  
  
Red XIII: & people say I should be kept on a leash...  
  
Cid: WHERE'S THE $%#&*^@ TUX, VINNY?!?  
  
Vincent: Ask Yuffie.  
  
Cid: WHERE IS IT?!?  
  
Yuffie: Where's what, old man?  
  
Cid: THE GODDAMN TUX!  
  
Yuffie: The tux? You mean that crusty tux & the white dress by it?  
  
Cid: YES, THAT TUX! NOW WHERE IS IT, DAMMIT?!?  
  
Yuffie: At the consignment shop.  
  
Cid: AW $#!+!!!!! Do you know how long I had to dance for that dress?  
  
Vincent: Looks like we'll just have to buy them back...  
  
Cid: Dammit! That's more money!  
  
*Cait Sith hobbles back in wearing a priest's robes.*  
  
Cait Sith: Cid! Shera! Why ain't you two ready yet?  
  
Vincent: Miss Materia over here sold their outfits to the consignment shop.  
  
Yuffie: I didn't think you guys would wanna wear those frumpy clothes anyway...  
  
Cait Sith: Waitaminute. Was a guy named Joe working behind the counter?  
  
Yuffie: I think. Why?  
  
Cait Sith: Aw, I know him! I can deal with him.  
  
*At the Nibelheim Consignment Shop...*  
  
Cait Sith: Please?  
  
Joe: No.  
  
Cait Sith: Please?  
  
Joe: No.  
  
Cait Sith: Aw, c'mon...  
  
Joe: No.  
  
Cait Sith: Be a pal...  
  
Joe: No.  
  
Cait Sith: Fine. Be that way.  
  
*Begins to leave, then jumps back to Joe & clings onto his feet.*  
  
Joe: What the?!?  
  
Cait Sith: Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeeeease!!!!!  
  
Joe: You're desperate.  
  
Cait Sith: You couldn't tell?  
  
Joe: Alright then. Whaddaya got?  
  
*Cait Sith digs through a previously hidden pocket & produces a pack of Nutbunnies®, a piece of string, & a playing card.*  
  
Cait Sith: Uhhh.....this.....  
  
*When Cait Sith returns to Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Vincent: Do you have the clothing for Cid & Shera?  
  
Cait Sith: Well, I had to get what I could afford with all the gil in my pocket.  
  
Vincent: What about the money Yuffie had?  
  
Cait Sith: HOW CAN YOU EVEN THINK SUCH A THOUGHT LIKE TAKING MONEY FROM YUFFIE?!?  
  
Vincent: Never mind. Were you able to get back what we had?  
  
Cait Sith: Uh... Not exactly...  
  
*Cid & Shera get out the clothes Cait Sith got them.*  
  
Cid: SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?  
  
*Cid is wearing an orange tux, similar to the one Lloyd wore in Dumb & Dumber.*  
  
Shera: This dress looks a little too short...  
  
*Shera is wearing a super~tight white dress with a HUGE white bow in the back.*  
  
Cait Sith: What're you guys talkin' about? Ya look cute!  
  
*Cid grabs Cait Sith & begins shaking him.*  
  
Cid: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!  
  
Cait Sith: You shouldn't act so slovenly in front of your bride...  
  
*Cid stops & turns around to see Shera in her less~than~modest wedding dress.*  
  
Cid: Homina homina homina...  
  
Cait Sith: Ain't she a sight ta see?  
  
*Cid introduces a new level of blush to this fanfic. Ladies & gentlemen, we present to you for the first time ever, the superblush!*  
  
Cloud: So are you guys gonna do this thing or not?  
  
Cait Sith: Hold on a second! Things have gotten kind of out of whack! Where's the Great Will of the Macrocasm to fix them?  
  
*At Aura~sama's house, she & Will~chan are playing Gundam Battle Assault 2...*  
  
Vincent: Apparently not...  
  
Cait Sith: But we gotta keep up da suspense!  
  
Cid: Wha? So this chapter's over now?  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah... So everyone has to stay tooned for chapter 20!  
  
Vincent: Aura~sama's sure dragging this one out.  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah, & it's not even starring me! I thought this was supposed to be the Cait Sith trilogy!  
  
Vincent: "The Cait Sith Trilogy"...?  
  
Cait Sith: Yeah. I don't know where this whole idea came for Cid to marry Shera.  
  
Vincent: I'm willing to bet she stole it from her sister, like the 1st fic in the series.  
  
*Aura~sama pops in from nowhere.*  
  
WHO TOLD Y~oh wait... Heh heh... Uh... nevermind...  
  
*Sweatdrops all around the room.*  
  
Well, uh... Ya heard Cait Sith. Stay tooned for chapter 20! 


	20. The flashback sequence is a result of wr...

'Coz you asked for it, that's what I'm a~givin' to ya, buddy! I now present to you chapter 20 of this semi~entertaining story, where we bring out all of the characters I kinda forgot over the course of writing. I hope everything turns out okay!  
  
Will~chan: If it doesn't, I could reset the story.  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith whispers in Aura~sama's ear...*  
  
Chibi Cait Sith has a point. He thinks I'd loose the fans if the story was reset & everyone had 20 new chapters to read...  
  
Will~chan: In any case, let's get on with the story!  
  
Cabbie: Hey, we'll be in this part, right?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: You haven't forgotten, have you?  
  
Zage: Can I just stay in the hotel?  
  
Yes, no, & no.  
  
Zage: But all my stuff's there now. Everyone knows the hotel phone number better than the one at my house. Look, it's even listed in the phonebook!  
  
Too bad! Complaining time is over! Story time is now!  
  
*At Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Cait Sith: All right, everyone! We're ready to get this wedding started!  
  
*Moggy walks up to the make~shift alter added to the manor & Cait Sith grabs a bible.*  
  
Cabbie: Now we're finally getting somewhere!  
  
*Chainsaw Murderer begins to tear up.*  
  
Zage: You cry at weddings?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: No...*sniffle*...It's just that...*sniff*...Now I'll have to go back to work!  
  
Cabbie: Well, that's why I decided to be a cabbie. I got a nifty pamphlet if ya wanna read it.  
  
*Cabbie pulls out a pamphlet entitled "How To Be Lazy & Still Make Money", which Chainsaw Murderer takes with interest.*  
  
Cait Sith: It's time ta start da weddin'! Where's da best man?  
  
*Vincent is shoved to the front.*  
  
Cait Sith: Good enough. Now we need a girl to hold the flowers.  
  
*Tifa is shoved to the front.*  
  
Cait Sith: Okay! Now everyone else take yer seats.  
  
*Yuffie, Barret, Cloud, & Red XIII find seats on either side of the room.*  
  
Cait Sith: Now the bride & groom! Bust it out now, Moggy!  
  
*Moggy pulls a stereo out from behind his back & begins "The Wedding March". Cid & Shera begin walking down the aisle, when the music changes to Paul McCartney's "back in the u.s."*  
  
Stereo: You say "Yes" I say "No" You say "Stop" But I say "Go Go Go" Oh No! You say "Goodbye" & I say "Hello"  
  
Cait Sith: Moggy! I told you to buy the cd!  
  
*Moggy mumbles a protest in a language Cait Sith understands & everyone else does not.*  
  
Cait Sith: What do you mean "I don't have a discman"?  
  
*Moggy stops the tape & Cid & Shera come up to the alter.*  
  
Cait Sith: Allrighty then! *Reading from book* "We are gathered here in the event of an emergency, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. The seat cusion can be used as a floatin' device." Wait, nevermind!  
  
*Throws out notes he took while watching "The Beverly Hillbillies" movie.*  
  
Cait Sith: Let's just get to da good part. Shera, do you take Cid to luv him tenda, luv him sweet, & neva let him go?  
  
Shera: I don't know. He's looking a little sweaty...  
  
Cait Sith: Aw, all guys get that way on their weddin' day. He'll get over it.  
  
Shera: Aw, I can't say no to the Captain. I do.  
  
Cait Sith: Now do you, Cid, agree to do all the stuff Shera just agreed to?  
  
Cid: *%$&*$&%*(^(*%^*&$&^#&%$#&^%&*(%&^$^*%$(&^%*(^%&$&^  
  
Cait Sith: You mean you'd like to say your own vows?  
  
Cid: %(&*%(*%*&$(&^(^*%$*&$(&^%(^%*$*$%(%&*$^*$^%$*^$*&%&*$*^%&*(^%(&%(%  
  
Cait Sith: Well sure. I don't see why not.  
  
*Cid turns to Shera with a look of determination on his face.*  
  
Well, we all know how this is gonna turn out, so we're gonna end it here.  
  
Will~chan: But the fans have no closure!  
  
They didn't want any, remember? They were distracted by the cow.  
  
Will~chan: Oh yeah, they were...  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith whispers something.*  
  
What do you mean "Check out what's happening at Nibelheim Manor"?  
  
*Looks at Nibelheim Manor, where Shera is walking out in a huff followed by Cid.*  
  
Cid: But Shera! I really DID wanna ^%#& you right then & there!  
  
*Shera tosses the boquet in Cid's face.*  
  
What the hell just happened?  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith whispers*  
  
Cid read his own vows? That wasn't in the script!  
  
Will~chan: Reset?  
  
No way! Not after all that! There's a way to salvage this!  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith whispers*  
  
Great idea!  
  
Will~chan: What is it?  
  
Just sit back & watch, Will~chan. It'll all work out in the end.  
  
Will~chan: What are you gonna do? Play "We Can Work It Out"?  
  
Yeeeeeeeeeeeno. We're gonna play it, but it really has no other point in the story. Now to make this chapter even longer & to recap what has happened so far, we're gonna do a flashback sequence!  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith's Moggy hops around happily.*  
  
Get the music out!  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith gets out "back in the u.s." & starts playing "We Can Work It Out"*  
  
Try to see it my way  
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?  
  
Cait Sith: Hi Vinny! ^_^ So you guys have a problem?  
  
Vincent: Well, Cid & I recently discovered that some poor, deluded souls think we are sick, perverted individuals…  
  
Cid: & EVERYONE'S POSTING PICS OF ME & VINNY IN THE SACK ON THE INTERNET!!!  
  
While you see it your way  
Run a risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone  
  
  
Cait Sith: There's an easy solution to this problem.  
  
Cid: WHAT IS IT, GOD%&$@IT?!?   
  
Cait Sith: One of you gets married to some broad.  
  
We can work it out  
We can work it out  
  
Cait Sith: Okay, so which one of you wants to get married?  
  
*Cid & Vincent point at each other.*  
  
Think of what you're saying  
You can get it wrong & still you think that it's all right  
  
Vincent (in his coffin): I have sinned… I have sinned… I have sinned… I have sinned… I have sinned…  
  
Think of what I'm saying  
We can work it out & get it straight or say good night  
  
Cid: Yeah, but who exactly'd wanna marry me?  
  
Cait Sith & Vincent: Shera.  
  
Cid: %&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@%&$@!!!!!!!!!!  
  
We can work it out  
We can work it out  
  
*Cid reluctantly gets up on the stage & begins doing a strip dance shockingly similar to Ben Affleck's on Forces of Nature. Have any of you seen that movie? It was pretty funny at the time…*  
  
Life is very short & there's no time  
For fussing & fighting, my friend  
  
Cait Sith: So what's next on the list?  
  
Vincent: Well, we could get a gown for Shera…  
  
Cid: Nuh~uh, no way, I am NOT stripping off a wedding dress!!!  
  
I have always thought that it's a crime  
So I will ask you once again  
  
Well, that should keep the fans happy.  
  
*Vincent's claw hand lands next to my notebook as the Vincent fangirls&boys squeal with delight.*  
  
Try to see it my way  
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong  
  
Cait Sith: Whaddaya want the dress to look like, Cid?  
  
Cid: Well, it's gotta be white…  
  
Vincent (typing): White  
  
Cid: It's gotta have lace…  
  
Vincent (typing): Lace  
  
Cid: It's gotta make her look %&$@ing sexy…  
  
Vincent (typing): %&$@ing Sexy  
  
While you see it your way  
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long  
  
Vincent: Let's see… (reading the screen) Matches for White: 0 Matches for Lace: 0 Matches for %&$@ing Sexy: 365789234  
  
We can work it out  
We can work it out  
  
Cait Sith: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hojo's first name is Archibald! Hahahahahaha!!!!!  
  
Life is very short & there's no time  
For fussing & fighting, my friend  
  
Vincent: You are to treat Chibi Lucrecia~sama with the proper respect that is due to her!  
  
*Cait Sith, who is still clawed to Vincent, & Moggy look at him for a moment, then fall to the ground laughing, tears in the corners of their eyes.*  
  
I have always thought that it's a crime  
So I will ask you once again  
  
Baker: It feels good to help others.  
  
Trainee (From the kitchen): Aura~sama! Fire in da hole! Fire in da hole!  
  
*Fire busts out of the kitchen.*  
  
Trainee: Oh the humanity!  
  
Try to see it my way  
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong  
  
Yuffie: Hello?  
  
Cait Sith: Ahhhhh........  
  
Yuffie: Hello? Anyone there?  
  
Cait Sith: Ahhhhh.........  
  
Yuffie: Uh, okay. 'Bye.  
  
Cait Sith: Nowaitpleasedon'thangupYuffie!  
  
Yuffie: Who is this?  
  
Cait Sith: It's Sith Cait. No, I mean Sait Cith. Wait, I mean Ith Scait! Please don't hang up! Maybe it's Ait Scith.  
  
While you see it your way  
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long  
  
Red XIII: What do you have under there anyway?  
  
Cabbie: Yeah! Show us!  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Aw, I don't think you wanna. . .  
  
Red XIII: Naw, try us!  
  
Cabbie: Yeah! I'm very open minded.  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Well, okay. . .  
  
*Scene backs up to see cab stopped outside of Nibelheim Manor. . .*  
  
Red XIII & Cabbie: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Red XIII: Disgusting!  
  
Cabbie: Coooooooool!  
  
We can work it out  
We can work it out  
  
*Red XIII runs over to the table of Nutbunnies® & lands on it in a flying leap.*  
  
Well, I hope you enjoyed the songfic~type flashbakc on some of those moments you just can't forget. This will be finished one day. I promise you guys! For real! 


	21. Don't delay! Buy some smelly prom dresse...

*At Aura~sama's house, the author & Will~chan are asleep on a sofa, still holding the PlayStation controllers, still duking it out in their sleep. Aura~sama's little sister, Bell~chan, comes into the room.*  
  
Bell~chan: Shove off. I wanna play Star Ocean.  
  
*She pokes Aura~sama & Will~chan until they wake up.*  
  
Will~chan: *Yawn* What time is it?  
  
*Aura~sama checks the clock*  
  
It's 12:20 PM...  
  
Will~chan: Oh okay...*Goes back to sleep*  
  
Bell~chan: Get the controller out of her hands.  
  
Why should I? We were here first...  
  
Bell~chan: Don't you have a fanfic to write?  
  
Oh yeah, I do. But I don't know how to close it.  
  
Bell~chan: I know how you can start.  
  
How?  
  
Bell~chan: First, you give me the controller, then you get up off of your lazy ass, then you go over to the computer, & then you type your story!  
  
All right, already! I get the idea!  
  
*Leaves to type up story... We hope...*  
  
But I just said I don't have any ideas!  
  
*Well, the show must go on. Back at Nibelheim Manor...*  
  
Cait Sith: Way to go, Cid. This'll be something to tell the kids that will inevitably come up to you & bug you about your past, calling you "that crazy old guy that swears a lot & smells like cancer" or something of the like.  
  
Cid: Dammit! I gotta do something!  
  
Vincent: I think you did enough.  
  
Cloud: We'll help you out with this one.  
  
Tifa: That's a good idea.  
  
Red XIII: It's the least we could do.  
  
Yuffie: The least we could do is nothing. But I'll do it anyways to help the old man.  
  
Barret: Yeh, foo'! We gotta help out Cid for all da times he's helped us!  
  
Cabbie: We'll help too, right guys?  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: Absolutely! We're here to make sure this story has a happy ending!  
  
Zage: I'll just do it because I have nothing better to do.  
  
Cid: You know what? Sometimes you guys can be &%^#ing cool!  
  
Cait Sith: All right! So this wedding hasn't gone down the crapper yet!  
  
Vincent: Cid, you stay here & all of us will go get Shera.  
  
Cid: It works for me, I guess...  
  
*Everyone except Cid leaves after Shera, while Cid listens to Moggy's left behind "back in the u.s." CDs.*  
  
Cait Sith: Shera! Shera! Wait up, Shera!  
  
*Shera walks on as everyone joins her walking behind.*  
  
Shera: I'm not walking back to that captain after what he said.  
  
Cait Sith: But you know Cid's a good guy! He's just kinda nervous!  
  
*Moggy nods in agreement.*  
  
Vincent: Shera, please don't just walk out on Cid. It's true his original intentions weren't good for marriage, but he's changed them since.  
  
Cloud: You know Cid's a tough old guy & sometimes he screws up his words.  
  
Tifa: The pressure of the wedding probably made that worse.  
  
Yuffie: C'mon! The old man's got good qualities!  
  
Barret: He really was helpful when we needed him.  
  
Cabbie: He was probably just as helpful when you needed him.  
  
Chainsaw Murderer: He loves you, just as you love him.  
  
Zage: So get married already!  
  
*Shera turns around to face all of them.*  
  
Shera: The author has really bad writer's block, doesn't she?  
  
^^' Shera...  
  
Shera: This is gonna turn into a sappy ending, isn't it?  
  
Well, it's getting close to Valentine's Day...Besides, I'm a hopeless romantic...  
  
Shera: But they are right. The Captain's always helped me out when I've needed it.  
  
Cait Sith: Cid needs your help too.  
  
Vincent: He also needs our help. If it wasn't for us, he might never have done this.  
  
Shera: You're all right. I'm going back to the Captain right now!  
  
Everyone else: Hooray!  
  
*They all run back to Nibelheim Manor. When they run into the room the ceremony was being held in, they see Cid dancing around to "Back In The USSR" with Chibi Lucrecia~sama as his partner.*  
  
Cid: Back in the US Back in the US Back in the USSR! Oh hi, you guys!  
  
*Tosses Chibi Lucrecia~sama to Vincent.*  
  
Shera: Captain, I'm sorry for running off. I didn't mean to.  
  
Cid: Naw, it was my fault. I just don't $#%&ing know when to quit sometimes.  
  
Cait Sith: So can we get on with the ceremony?  
  
*Cid & Shera nod & Cait Sith finishes the ceremony.*  
  
Cait Sith: I now pronounce you husband & wife. You may kiss da bride.  
  
*Cid & Shera kiss. Some people go "Oooh" & "Aaah". Tifa begins tearing up & Cloud offers her his sleeve. She wipes her eyes on it & blows her nose. Vincent is dabbing at Chibi Lucrecia~sama's eyes as if she's crying.*  
  
Shera: Captain, you need a shave.  
  
Cid: What?  
  
Shera: I felt like I was kissing a welcome mat.  
  
Cid: At least I don't have as much hair as furball does here.  
  
Cait Sith: Does it matter now? You're married! How does it feel, Cid?  
  
Cid: Like I've just been called a welcome mat.  
  
Cait Sith: Now it's time for the party!  
  
*Moggy turns "back in the u.s." on & Cait Sith starts tossing out Nutbunnies® as everyone begins dancing to "Can't Buy Me Love"*  
  
Yay! That's done!  
  
Reno: How come we weren't in this fic?  
  
^^' Didja wanna be?  
  
Reno: Kinda sorta maybe...  
  
Reeve: It doesn't matter to me.  
  
Rude: .....  
  
Well, you guys could do a commercial.  
  
Reno: We'll do it!  
  
*Reno has no idea what he just got all of them into...*  
  
Rude: Heheheheheheheh.....  
  
Reno: Shut up.  
  
Reeve: But that outfit suits you...Renoa!  
  
*Reno is wearing a long wig & a poofy purple prom dress. Reeve & Rude are laughing their asses off at the sight. A vein pops onto Reno's head.*  
  
Reno: Just shut up & do the commercial!  
  
*Rude begins sniffing around the room, like a bloodhound on a trail. He sniffs all the way up to the cross~dressing Reno & takes a deep sniff of the prom dress.*  
  
Rude: Why that wonderful scent is you! *Howls like a wolf.*  
  
Reno: I got the Scratch'N'Sniff prom dress, so now I got the guy.  
  
Reeve(Like an announcer): That's right! Scratch'N'Sniff prom dresses are the latest for the young ladies. They come in all sorts of scents, like vanilla, blueberry, banana, & even vanilla!  
  
You said vanilla twice.  
  
Reeve: That's because I'm drunk.  
  
Oh. Ok.  
  
Reeve: The best part is, it only costs $29.99! Why is it so cheap? 'Coz you gotta provide your own dress. We're just adding the scent. Remember, Scratch'N'Sniff prom dresses. Hit it, guys!  
  
*Reno (who's still in the prom dress) & Rude are both holding guitars & Reeve is behind a drum set. They begin playing a hard rock song.*  
  
Scratch'N'Sniff Song: Smelly prom dresses! Buy some smelly prom dresses! Only $29.99! Smelly! Smelly! Smelly prom dress! Smelly! Smelly! Smelly prom dress! Prom dresses! Prom dresses! Buy yourself some smelly prom dresses! Yooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwah! Smelly prom dresses! Oh yeah, smelly prom dresses! Buy some! $29.99! Prom dresses!  
  
That was good.  
  
Reno: Can I get out of this prom dress now?  
  
Yeah, sure.  
  
Reno: Freedom!  
  
*He rips off the prom dress & wig, revealing to the world his vertical blue & white striped boxors. He walks off to burn the evil prom dress from Hell.*  
  
Rude: Can I smash the guitar now?  
  
It's a rental.  
  
Rude: Well, then can I just ding it?  
  
Okay.  
  
*Rude smashes the guitar into oblivion.*  
  
Jack's gonna be pissed off.  
  
Jack (Who just came in all of a sudden like everyone seems to do): You're damn right I'm gonna be pissed off!  
  
Hey Will~chan? Little help?  
  
*Will~chan is playing the abandoned Gundam Battle Assault 2 game with Bell~chan.*  
  
Aw Nutbunnies®...  
  
*Chibi Cait Sith bounds up to Jack & whispers something in his ear.*  
  
Jack: Chibi Cait Sith told me you have an evil servant at your disposal?  
  
Um...maybe?  
  
Jack: I got some work to do. Can I borrow them?  
  
I don't think you wanna do that...He's not an evil servant for nothing.  
  
Jack: You're already in debt from buying so much Pocky. You wanna add the price of a guitar?  
  
Well, no. But I'm afraid of the damage he might cause while he works for you...  
  
Jack: Well, it doesn't really matter anyway since you really weren't the one who rented it.  
  
*Jack angrily eyes Rude.*  
  
Rude: I'm gonna be going now...  
  
*Runs off. Jack follows.*  
  
Now to do some legal stuff. I don't own the bit about Scratch'N'Sniff prom dresses. That idea belongs to 3 students who're in the same Speech class with me; Kerry Wilkins, Jennifer Green, & Jennifer Welch. It was even funnier in real life. Don't ask about Jack. I just got that name from Jack's Music Store. If you don't know my evil servant, visit my site via my profile.  
  
End. Finally... 


End file.
